— lix —
25
libra sun | libra rising | sagittarius moonsestinas and horatian odes
sestinas
Sestina 1
march 4 2019
Not talking to you feels wrong.
I don’t like this at all.
I feel like I lost someone close
To me and I hate it.
Do you know what it does to me?
Of course you don't.You say that you care all the time but please don’t
Say that because it all feels wrong.
It hurts me
Knowing that's all
You feel even though you say you like me and we both know it.
But please, just hold me close .Are we even close
Anymore because it feels like a rollercoaster and I don’t
Like it. I guess this is it.
This is all we are and what's wrong
With us. Please say something, anything at all.
The only one that this silence is hurting is me.I want you in all the ways. Believe me
When I say that. But if I can't have you that way please let me be close
To you. That's All
I want. Don't
Push me away for all the wrong
Reasons. Or just don't do it.Could it
Be it's just me
That feels that this is all wrong?
Maybe it is. Maybe we need to close
This distance between us that I don't
Know how it got here. We got enough to make it through it all.Everything we argued about it, all
Of it,
We made it through that so we can do it again. Don't
You think so? Or is it just me
Who thinks we can close
This unknowable thing that is keeping us apart, this thing that is wrong?Don't forget all we've been through, all
Of it. It would be wrong to do that to us, wouldn't it?
Please just hold me for one more time, close.
Sestina 3
march 7 2019
You don’t realize how much I've missed
You. Ive missed our conversations more than I want to admit.
Talking with you makes me so happy
And makes me feel like everything
Will be okay in the end
Because I feel it feels like we can last for as long as we want.I want
What I missed
And I got it so for that I'm thankful we somehow didn’t End
Our conversations. But I have to admit
That not everything
Feels right but we're getting over this rough patch so I'm happy, so happy.Happy
That's what I am when I'm with you, talking with you, texting you. I want
A lot with you. Everything.
Everything missed
Opportunity with everyone else I want to do it with you I admit.
Let's last till the very end.In the end
What matters is that you are happy
Talking to me as well. Are you happy? Please admit
It if you aren't because I don’t want
You to be miserable. I may have missed
You for some time but you are everythingAnd deserve the best. Everything
Will be okay in the end.
Or at least that's what they say but I believe that. Although I do have to say that I've missed
Seeing, hearing you joke, being happy.
And I wonder what is it that your heart and soul want
That will make you happy in the end. Please be honest with me and admitWhat it is you want. Admit
To everything
You want
From me because in the end,
You being happy makes me happy
And I don’t want you to reflect back on us and think you missedTime being happy. Please, I want you to admit,
To be honest with me if you feel like you've missed something or everything
When you're with me because at the end of the day your happiness makes me so happy.
sestina 4
december 21 2019
You make me speechless
And I don't know if that is a good thing still.
It's like I don’t know what to say anymore
For you and I to go back to what we were, who we were.
Do you know how?
How do we go from here to back then?Everything was so much better and brighter back then.
The texts, the late night calls… they made me speechless
And laugh and squirm but now thinking about them makes me angry. How
Did we end up in this situation. You're still
The one I want but now I've realized we were
Not made to last because you don't want this anymore.It used to pain me thinking about it but it doesn't hurt that much anymore
You know? Tell me what it is you want from me so then
I know where we can go because you've got me walking blindly but please tell me, were
You ever faking anything to get what you wanted out of me? Speechless
Would be an underreaction but still,
I want to make this work howAbout you? But what I need to know is how
Do you feel about this? About what we've become? Anywhere
In particular you'd want us to go? If you're still
With me then
Please give me a sign, any sign, it doesn't have to leave me speechless.
Let's move on because this made us different and I don't like who we wereBack then or at this point. But the question I ask myself is: Were
We, as who we really are, ever fine and compatible or in sync? How
Did we ever start? Was it the truth or was it the little white likes we all tell that made me speechless
And blush and want you? Did you want me or did you not want to think about you ex anymore?
I understand the past doesn’t matter that much to you but I think the "then"
Can influence the "now" still.Like maybe you're still
Thinking about the girl I saw you with at that Halloween party. Did you think you were
Sneaky back then?
Because you, sir, were not. How
Foolish do you think I really am? I'm not that much of a fool anymore.
And one day I'll confront you about this in person but for now I'll keep being speechless.I'm still thinking about how you said you wanted me to leave this city with you
Were you for real back then? Because there's nothing I want more than this at this point anymore
If I'm being honest. Work with me and then ask me again. Maybe once again I'll be speechless. Maybe.
odes
freckles
march 7 2019
Your freckles are so beautiful.
I am such a fool for you, for them.
I could really write a module,
Definitely not for biochemThey accentuated your eyes
Way back to when we first met.
Was a lovely surprise,
On the inside I was dead.I want to count all your freckles
And try to solve all the puzzles.
But maybe I wont be able to,
Though please don't let that be true.
eyes
march 8 2019
You're eyes were a beautiful shade of brown
They, you, shined so brightly inside that little, dark café
Even in that light they really didn't let me down.
In my mind, because of them, that day won't be gray.HONEY was all I could think that first day, though
The sun without question was the cause of that.
Your eyes made everything feel like they were going slow;
I'm sorry I said What? Too much in our chat…How do people not fall in love with your eyes at first sight?!
Are people blind? Can they not see they can rival the sunlight?
I hope society falls in love with your eyes like I did
And one day there will be paintings of them in an exhibit.
hugs
march 8 2019
You make me feel safe and sound
When I see you when we meet.
Although I'm not profound,
Not hugging feels bittersweet.Your arms make me feel warmer than the sun
Since our hugs feel like they last awhile
… please don't stop hugging me, honeybun,
Because that would feel like an exile.I wish I could never let you go to be honest,
But I think the public would put us on a blacklist.
So for now I'll be okay with our shorter ones
Yet I'll die if you declare "They're someone's".
safety
april 3 2019
I love how I can be extremely honest with you.
It is exhilarating and this thing makes me feel safe.
Actually, it's you but I don't wanna argue.
The things I tell you, well I know they won't be unsafe.It is just effortless to talk to you about things I don't tell anyone else.
I can say anything without feeling judged because I know you do get me.
Dumping stuff on my mind on you feels like taking a bubble bath with candles.
I can't help but marvel at how wonderful you are, I love you honey.When my mind is restless and I'm freaking out it's you who makes the overthinking stop
I don't know how you do all that over and over again but I appreciate it.
You are the main star protagonist in all the alternative universes coffee shop
Stories I've read and yet you're the first one I'm so in love with (but that's a secret).
title
date
writing
title
date
writing
title
date
writing
title
date
writing
title
date
writing
title
date
writing
title
date
writing
title
date
writing
title
date
writing
title
date
writing